all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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