just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
