I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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