If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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