ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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