you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
