Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
