We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
