I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
