dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
