we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
