Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
