i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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