I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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