I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
