literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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