So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
