You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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