WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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