I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
