i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Mom said you looked used
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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