My first STD was from a foam party
Swine flu. Run for my life!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Randomize
