i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
