id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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