someone threw a dead crab at me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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