every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
