That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
