what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
