so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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