Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
