i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
