I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
