Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
