Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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