My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
