Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
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