She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This baby is an asshole
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
