i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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