Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
a search helicopter?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
