well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
