i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
