I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
