so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
