Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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