thus making me awesome and them whores
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
