Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
In America we eat man semen.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
