Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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