Me too!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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