its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
