And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
