Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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