As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
