I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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