Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
