Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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