Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
