I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
