Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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