New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
