This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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