Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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