Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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