I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
